The Christmas Dragon, by Kathryn Hart Teixeira

The Christmas Dragon                                                                                    December 20, 2020

There is a tradition I would like you to know about.  The elves told me it is time. The elves you say?  Why not Santa?  Well, Santa, as it turns out, will also have his say.

Who am I?  I am the witness. The witness of this story and the witness of the events that have unfolded recently, enabling me to bring them to you.  My name is Johanna Swift.  Elves “can” use computers, but in their free time they prefer to do their type of play, which has to do with what some humans refer to “gardening”, yet many would simply observe as watching the grass grow.  So, the elves, and in particular one elvin family, asked me to write on their behalf, and I said “Yes”, for, everyone must have some downtime, after all, even the elves I suppose.  I can hear Santa laughing now, since he knows how much work is still left before Christmas day, and does not begrudge any elves taking time to relax before the final push. 

Now to the Tradition:  Santa is looking at me over his reading glasses and telling me, with a twinkle in his eye, start writing, and I am heeding his request because who can resist the jolly face and sweet countenance of St. Nick, as he is often referred to in antiquity.

Ha!  I hear him correct me, smiling, the dimension in which we exist in, remember, there is no time.  Only the present moment exists where we work and play, which is why we are the number one manufacturer of Presents!

Yes, Santa, I nod, I know, I know.  And as he returns to his book while he sits by a cozy fire that has been recently tended to, I observe the soft snow falling outside the picture window of his living room.  There is a warmly dressed elfin family – mother, father and daughter, looking at me with excitement and anticipation: Come on!, and so I bid adieu to Santa, take a warm mug of hot spiced-cider lovingly prepared for me by Mrs. Claus, and exit the Claus’ home to begin a trek up the mountain with my able and eager guides.

They remind me that what we are experiencing, while we tromp through the snow along the rocky trail that winds around the mountain, is an unconventional reality.  I tell them this is all a bit above my head, and they nod.  Humans can use their imaginations, they acknowledge, and now is the time to let that ability soar!

As they communicate this to me, I see something off in the distance approaching us very rapidly:  it is winged and white and as it approaches, I can see that it has a luminescent quality that seems to sparkle in the light ~ yes ~ are those, scales?  My eyes are adjusting to the white on white to secure for me the images, the rapid photo qualities of a movie, yet this is real!  There is a dragon with several wings approaching us from the top of the mountain!

I feel a slight thud in my stomach, wondering if it is fear.  The elves eye me curiously and with the sort of second-hand delight of seeing, through my eyes, what is extremely familiar to them.

Familiar.  As in family?  Yes, they say.  And the dragon comes to heal at their feet, landing quite gently and soundlessly for its apparent size, like a small car, and looking fierce yet somehow a bit puppyish in its adoration of its elfin kin. 

As for me, it has come to my attention that my mouth has come unhinged at the jaw, and that I have, somewhere in between sighting the dragon and witnessing its landing, dropped to my knees.  My heart is now in my throat, so I cannot speak, yet what would I say if I could?

We all sit there silently and I can see Santa laughing in my mind’s eye, with Mrs. Claus admonishing him “Santa there is plenty of cider for him when he returns”.  That is when I notice that I had spilled the sweet beverage all down the front so that my coat was emitting steam.

The elves chuckle and the Christmas dragon, as they call her, snorts, revealing two large snouts that also emit steam, so I feel, somewhat, in good company.

She is glorious with wide set eyes, a huge fanged jaw, pointy ears and icy looking spikes along her back.  The scales are a curious geometric pattern that is also luminescent, somewhat like the scales of a fish, yet with a skein able to contain massive muscles and bones while being, simultaneousy, fire resistant. I am aware that I am staring.

Being in her presence, it is hard to wrap my mind around, yet I am feeling a sense of relaxation and depth that I usually ascribe to a peak experience.  In other words, holy %$$#%@#$%!

How?  I begin to manage to stutter out, and almost as soon as I speak, as if an admission had been heard, the dragon and elves beckon me to  join them on a sort of saddle, though it looks much more precarious, that sits on the top of the dragons back, where some of its large spikes had shifted to make room.  I cannot wrap my mind around this, either, yet manage to enough to join my friends on the soft fabric padding which, surprisingly, feels like a gentle but firm hug, as we are lifted off the ground by the dragon’s massive wings and transported into the air above the scene of our meeting.  Again, the sound of Santa’s laughter stirs me to wonder as I tell myself:  you will have time to contemplate this all later, just hold on and go . . .

As if reading my thoughts, my friends tucked in around me look up (since of course, being elves, they are less than half my size) and give me a knowing glance that seems to also say “remember”, and a portal opens up on the other side of the mountain, effortlessly swallowing us as the Christmas dragon bore us, soaring and pumping, through the portal into what seemed like a worm hole – and although there was no friction – I could make out a swirling  that seemed both within and around my vision.

What is this?

The elves let me know that they would tell me, but that I had to suspend my belief.  As if I have not suspended everything that has made life make sense up until this point, but then, was there something in the cider that Mrs. Claus gave me?  Yes that must be it . . .

No!  Father elf said, you are not imagining this.  We ARE in a time machine.  How else would you understand the Christmas Dragon if it were not so? 

I shut my mouth at that.  And held on, apparently for dear life.

After some landed and the elves said they knew the year was BC 40,000 because they had been there before.  Please don’t tell me how you know, I said.  I don’t think I want to know.  The Christmas Dragon lowered her head and we climbed off of her back and onto the ground.  An image appeared to the left, written in the dirt, and it said 40,000 BC.  I looked away and when I returned my head, the writing was gone!  I sat down to take a few deep breaths.

I looked around as it appeared that dragons and humans lived together quite harmoniously – they flew their humans as transportation, of course, but when I observed from above, I had couldn’t help but notice that it seemed there was a dragon for every human, even children!

Oh yes, mother elf said excitedly, each human receives a dragon at birth for companionship, travel, protection, and survival.

Am I dreaming? I thought, and little elf took my hand, pointing to a family that bore, somehow, the resemblance of my friends.  My eyes, which I did not believe could widen any further, betrayed my incredulity as I looked around at the scene unfolding ~ houses, people and their dragons, commerce, other somewhat familiar animals, yet as it became clear that they could not see us, I suddenly understood intuitively that I had been here before, as well. 

The dragon that had brought us to this scene looked at me as if to say, Cool, huh?  I nodded. 

We walked around invisibly for a while taking in the sights and smells and enjoying ourselves immensely.  Father elf told the story that this period of friendship with the dragons is now returning.  There had been a period when the dragons had to remove themselves from our presence while we learned to cultivate our sense self-sufficiency within the earthly realm.  He explained that it is an experience that the specie had requested on behalf of time.  My heart-sank as I imagined what it would have taken for this relationship to shift so the earthlings learned how to navigate and evolve without the support of their friends, yet at the same time, I took stock of my life and felt a surge of pride at the strength of the abilities of my knowing, tens of thousands of years later.  My Mind then somehow was able to perceive the many paths that have been proven viable on behalf of humans as a result of this experience, and the learnings had been profound. 

The dragon turned suddenly and winked.

This realization acted as some sort of cosmic cue, for as I recalled the many connections afforded this experience, in the blink of an dragon eye, the present moment changed and became the mountain again, as the Christmas Dragon, now flying back to her, what is it called?  Lair?  Turned with a wink and a nod in a fashion now utterly familiar.  In fact, at the expense of losing my readers through incredulity, I suddenly knew that I had been with this elfin family so many centuries ago as one of their companions and guardians ~ in Dragon form! Yes, my dear readers, in that instant, I knew, and since then, my life has been changed forever. 

Mother Elf held my hand as we slowly made our way down the mountain and the escorted me to Santa’s Door.  Standing for a moment at the threshold, uttering no words, needing no words, they each gave my hand a squeeze in a silent Thank you.

For what, I wondered?  But deep in, I knew: we had been together before, and had met again in these circumstances to remember together and bring the story of the Christmas Dragon to all willing hearts, now, in 2020. 

Santa greeted me in his pj’s when the elf family, my new friends, bid my goodbye to return to their home in their community.  As I searched Santa’s eyes, what did I see? 

 Did he know that I felt a bit like a bewildered child at that moment?  I imagine he did, for he took my hand as I crossed the threshold to warm myself and, finally, at last, to contemplate all that I had seen, heard and experienced.  As I sat in an adjacent chair to Santa’s by the fire, Mrs. Claus setting a tray of food and drink by my side table, I saw in my mind’s eye my new friend, the Christmas Dragon, settling down for a night’s sleep in her lair with her family, up on the mountain, after their feast of snow and ice and frozen tundra and other apparently ethereal elements.  I heard her say

 On behalf of all the dragons in every realm that the human imagination may touch we solemnly greet you.  We honor you, Swift One, for building the bridge upon which many humans and dragons will delight in meeting, in the name of Friendship.

Standing upon this bridge my friends, is where my heart remains, even as I type to you this story in the comfort of my home here in the heartland of the United States, sipping my tea and basking in the lights of the Christmas tree.  They seem to twinkle a little more mysteriously and with an animation previously taken for granted before hearing and knowing the magic of The Christmas Dragon.

My name is Johanna Swift, and this is my story of the Christmas Dragon.  May all hearts be nourished by the words of friendship and remembrance on this page.

Soundings News 12/2020

Gray Rock Formation on Grass Field

Thanksgiving is now over and as we turn towards the December Holiday Season, I find myself reflecting on the gift of sound as it has unfolded in my life.

For many years I practiced my sounding techniques in the context of solo and choral performances:  the classical genre has many beautiful oratorios, and compositions by time-tested composers.  Singing with a group in a beautiful venue for a common purpose has a deeply generative and uplifting effect and it is something that is missed by many people during the covid restrictions.  During the summer months, neighbors would gather and we would sing for each other in the spirit of keeping the vibe of community and empowerment alive.  After the adjustment period, many people began going their separate ways again, yet the need was still there for some to continue to connect in the most nourishing ways possible.  Therefore, the online platforms began to open up and provide this service for people otherwise quarantined:  Facebook live, Facebook messenger, Zoom and Skype were platforms that I used to continue sharing music.  Doing so has been good for the heart.

A story comes to mind that occurred in the first days of sharing Sounding with folks that indelibly confirms this heart-felt benefit:  I advertised a free Sounding offering in a Facebook group and Candi (name changed) responded right away.  She has given me full permission to share her story, which I have edited for personal details.

We set an appointment and met in a Facebook Room that I created for free through Messenger.  My sounding equipment works wonderfully over this platform, which has been confirmed by other folks in the music making and music teaching genre of work/play.  Yet, how do you create resonance with someone with whom you have just met?

This is where the magic of Sounding comes in.  Practicing sound grounds you in the reality that you are a living, flowing vibration that is secondarily endowed (because of the apparent rate of vibration) with the capacity to navigate a physical realm.  Period.  We are vibration and therefore, not much is needed to create resonance, yet I could tell Candi had something on her mind.  I could feel it.

I began talking about how I came to practice sound in the way that I do – that a natural gift has given me the insight that my voice and music exist far outside of the confines of traditional composition and can be used to create music from intuition born of listening to the field.  Fields are constantly interfacing and interacting with one another and if you consider we each reveal the environment we maintain moment to moment to each other you see no masks can hide what is really going on.  So, instead of starting with chit chat, I just dove into what I am about and why and Candi began nodding her head.  Her story soon poured out:  a very uncomfortable set of circumstances arrived earlier in the year that challenged her earliest held beliefs. She, in her conditioning, was being shook to the core and as she made the needed shifts and changes, she was simultaneously searching for the kind of answers that her upbringing and religion could no longer provide while at the same time bearing the concern of a mother wanting to do right by her beloved child.

There was no need for the camera at this point, so we turned to sound, only. It was a good thing she was laying down because after I began sounding, she was able to go into deep relaxation.   She remarked to me after the Sounding that she had fallen asleep and that she never falls asleep during the day.  Further, her countenance was entirely shifted.  She appeared ten years younger as she allowed herself to shed the cares and worries that were not hers to carry:  she was doing everything she needed to do and the work we did with sound just alleviated the fears of the unknown that were unwittingly being shouldered.

Although Candi thanked me, a sparkling smile replacing the initial furrowed brow, I couldn’t help but feel that the thanks was something entirely mutual:  that we had come together to share and care and she received relief of her burden while I received relief from my burden in the form of confirmation. You see, I had been asking myself for many years what are my gifts and how do I share them.

Having gone our separate ways for months now, I still refer in my mind to Candi and our experience.  I refence it whenever I read for people in the mode of a Sounding.   Since it is so clear to me that the baggage of the fear of the unknown is a universal experience and, with practice and awareness, it need not be, this has become my calling.  This realization and the way it has unfolded my life has given me a great sense of urgency.  If this strikes a chord in then you can be sure it your calling as well.  Calling to what? To utilize whichever gifts you possess naturally to share the truths that we are sacred vibration – we are not separate, we are not only individual, but that we are one.  We may have work to do to understand this universally, but that doesn’t make it any less true.  May the Heart of the One, which we all share, resound within in such a distinct way today as to make it ever clear what we are. Each of us is a timeless gift of love-nourished being ~ and to care for and share this gift of ourselves fearlessly with all people within the earth at this time is to become a living Holiday ~ Holy Day.

With Love Always,

Katie

Soundings

Green Aurora

As it becomes clear to me how Sounding affects the unfolding of our DNA in therapeutic and harmonically aligned ways, I am now offering Soundings for multiple uses. Experience the nourishing effects of a Sounding. I will send you a Zoom link and during our meeting address:

Sounding to sing and ring ~ using vocal techniques and harmonics/overtones to participate and magnify uplifted states like joy and bliss ~ which are therapeutic and relaxing

Sounding for physical and spiritual harmony ~ 

Sounding to enhance speech and communication ~children and adults ~

Sounding for children ~ understand social and emotional difficulties in your child as well as any blocks to learning and comprehension. In addition, use this service to connect with your neurally diverse and/or non-verbal family member or friend ~

Sounding for relationship ~ see your situation in a whole new light ~

Sounding for clarity ~ any area of your life that wants to be solved to resolve to dissolve ~

You want to respond to these offerings and watch your life unfold in magical ways. There are no limits to what your vibration can achieve and express and the beautiful ways working with sound and vibration enhance and uplift every area of your life. Investing in Soundings with me, Katie Hart Teixeira, will take you on a journey of self discovery that no words will encompass because it will be ever expanding!

Walk over all of the bridges that are in your life by connecting with your abilities, now. Soundings are $120 dollars. A recorded Sounding is like a zip file: a super dense musical experience that highlights the contours of your essence in surprising and delightful ways. Listen to it with different intentions and watch your life ignite. If you would like to discover your intentions, we can schedule a meeting to clarity your endeavor.

$120 for a recorded Sounding Portrait readings

$300 for three Recorded Soundings or Sounding Portrait or Live reading.

Subscription of one Sounding session or recording a month for an entire year or two Sounding sessions a month for six months – watch your vibration change before your eyes ~ $600 – an over fifty percent discount.

Think of how much fun it will be to feel resistance melting away, troubles floating by and joy bubbling up!

Email today at these introductory prices and let’s play!

  kathrynsings@yahoo.com ~ to schedule and the link below to pay

https://paypal.me/VoiceofPresence

What people are saying:

“Good afternoon, Katie!
I’ll give it a go at trying to convey what I felt during the Sounding. First, you were so able to pick up my vibration/frequency. I mentioned this but what I didn’t think to add was that ability to move my legs lasted during the first few minutes after the Sounding. I realized that was also true after each time you’ve done a Sounding during group zoom calls I’ve participated in with you and others. 
I came to the sounding with no expectations. I wanted to see where it would lead. The first thing that popped into my head was that I was back in the abbey circa 15th century. This was I time when I was laying spiritual foundations for the future. 
There was also a feeling of lightness and contentment. I just wanted to hang out there!
You have very unique musical gifts (among others) and I am looking forward to more exploration of soundings.”

Participant of individual and group Soundings

about Katie’s experience:

~ mother of two gorgeous elementary children

~ student of Master Teacher Toni Petrinovich

~ certified Integrative Yoga Therapy ~ Experienced

~ overcame depressive and anxious attitudes/states

~ certified Reiki II

~ Bachelor of Music, University of Michigan, Angel Scholar

~ editor of “Divining Truth; straight talk from Source, the story” by Toni Petrinovich

~ youtube video creator

~ Songwriter and singer

~ Artist Diploma, University of Cincinnati

~ Orchestra Soloist: Kentucky Symphony, Cincinnati Opera, Cincinnati Chamber Symphony, 8th Blackbird, Trinity Concert Orchestra, Columbus Bach Ensemble, Mansfield Symphony, Springfield Symphony, Columbus Opera, Illinois Symphony, Illinois chamber orchestra ~

~ visual artist with online gallery in Mad in America and Fine Art America

Sounding Meditation Q&A

Photograph of Greenhouse

Sounding Meditation, Q&A, Kathryn Hart Teixeira

 “In the depth of awareness we can rest, truly, in our peaceful nature”.

Welcome to this special and open-hearted time together!  Sounding is the term I use for the intent behind the musical meditation I offer.  It is synonymous with “resonating” and has to do with waves and vibrations as they relate, in nautical terms, to water.  Since we are made up of at least 70 percent water, the musical vibrations that I offer resonate the human body in frequencies of coherence.

What is coherence?  The most common reference is with laser light and its uses in medicine.  Coherence is an intense form of light in which the troughs and crests are equal, and the phase is constant.  Frequencies of waves in coherence are harmonious.  So then, with an intention of creating harmonious sound from the heart, a meditation is born.

What am I hearing?  During a sounding, your physiology is picking up many beneficial and coherent sound waves that interact in constructive interference.  The application of this interference is considered harmonious since coherent waves of different frequencies (troughs and crests of the waves within a constant phase are different heights and depths) interact and create an energetic exchange wherein more energy is created than with a single wave or a single frequency (like a whistle).

In addition, the study of harmonics admits that even a single tone (wave form in music, like singing the note “fa”) has subtle echoes up a mathematical scale that can be utilized for great effect.  This is because of a multitude of geometric shapes which correspond to the human body’s subtle aspects, or blueprint.  In fact, many times utilizing harmonic practice alone, folks are becoming so relaxed that they fall to sleep – – even if they don’t normally do so because of contributing factors such as it being daylight or being in the room with others, under stress, et al.   

How do I get the most out of my session?  Opening your heart to coherent, heart-based music-and-sound frequencies feels delicious and wonderful.    We can relax into the voice of the Heart which beckons “trust and allow.”  You may create a space for yourself that facilitates your sacred allowance and then and set your intentions.  It may help to wear comfortable clothing, turn the lights down and find a soft place to sit, lounge, or lay down. 

Prepare to allow travel to destinations and enjoy expansive vistas through harmonization.   My intention for all is that the trajectory of your experience resolves you into a deeper sense of harmony and relaxation.  And in truth, you are the practitioner, pilot and experiencer.

Your intent is the “why” of what you do and is the fuel for your conscious experience. Intending deep relaxation, for example, allows for deeper harmony achieved through awareness of our wholeness.   In the depth of awareness we can rest, truly, in our peaceful nature. 

Dreamscape

When we dream, are we really free from the labels and identities we wear in the waking life? What are the parameters around the subject matter for our nighttime voyages? Are they the terrain of the purported “Fourth Dimension?” Are dreams the “Royal Road to the Unconscious” as Jung permitted, or a necessary form of mental housekeeping that allows us to return to waking life refreshed, renewed? Are we enhanced by remembering and dissecting them?

My theory is “yes” and utilizing a recent dream, I will argue why.

My dreamscape last night included an episode where I birthed a baby. This has happened in the past, yet in this dreamscape the baby had no umbilical cord and I remarked on that fact within the dream, itself. Now, when I told my husband about my dream this morning, I stated it like I just did, without embellishment. What if I take the time to fill in the blanks. Will I shed light on the “here and now”, as I do so?

Taking time to view the details, I admit to myself how happy I am when I have “birthing” dreams. It is such a joy to relive a blessed moment of bringing a life into the world, without actually having to birth a physical life with its accompanying pains – *wink!

I am so happy in the dream that I drag out the anticipation – enjoying every moment and micro-moment pre-birth. I enjoy recalling the other births I have participated in during dream time – the dream referencing other dreams in a paralell reality of memory. The joy is blissful. I feel radiant to be serving in this capacity, and there is no downside since I know nothing can go “wrong” here.

There are folks to assist me in this dream, as there have been in my dreaming memory of other birthing dreams. Plenty who want to take part. Yet this time, things feel different. I don’t want to give birth with any assistance: in fact, I do not want anyone around, so I leave to go to the bathroom. There, unencumbered by any one else’s expectations, I go into an easy labor on the toilet. (After excreting there – metaphor for getting rid of what is no longer needed, I turn to the subject at hand: birthing!) I push the head out – or the head comes out with very little effort. I take time to enjoy the process. I pause to look at my baby. Very calm little one, no stress or strain, no fear or anxiety, perfect knowing and allowing. I wonder how the shoulder is going to make it through the vaginal canal and if I will be able to maneuver it properly and safely. No problem, we seem to be making a good team, for (and now I know it is a she) – for she comes tumbling out! I am so happy to meet this baby and to hold her to my chest. She needs so little orientation – she is not needing to express crying or fear, yet is present and enjoying our meeting – I almost said reunion – for it feels much more like a reunion. We are just so happy to be together. In the back of my mind I am reminding myself that the Placenta will need to be birthed – and then the hitch – though it seemed neutral – we remarked together that there was no umbilical chord!!! Not only that, but my baby was immediately self-sufficient with no apparent physical needs at all. Though my maternal sense was a little disoriented, there was a mechanism that felt very clear in the dream that this was a strong message: this baby is your Self – totally independent, free, and sufficient. Even as an infant, my Self expressed its absolute independence from me. A little disappointed and feeling like ‘I couldn’t possibly do my duty as a mother without protecting this vulnerable child’, I was next ushered to a scene that in my waking life gives me pause: there was a line up of babies showing my little one without an umbilical cord, as an anomaly.

As I read over my writing, I am struck by how it must feel to be God, and in fact, to know that as God, you are giving birth to yourself over and over again – trusting your vulnerable creation to make its way through the maze of physical life as it reads the signs and wakes up to its status as creator. The mixed feelings, the ambivalence of letting go, of trusting, of knowing not every experience will be pleasant. What kind of heart would allow that? It must take a very great heart, I am thinking.

Isn’t that what we ask of ourselves? To exercise our great heart? To birth our life, our self, in this life and to let it be free from our worry and doting? Aren’t we asked, after all, to trust?

There is no ‘plan to trust in’ that compares to trusting in the knowledge of what you are. You are divine. You are sacred. You are the I Am.

When things feel shaky, I now know it goes back to belief. What am I believing, what am I paying attention to, and why? If this world were the last word on ultimately reality, then I would have to be up in arms about the state of the world’s more disturbed scenes. It would be cause for great alarm and stress. As it is, it does sometimes trigger me, and that is not a sign to necessarily ignore it, but to dig deeper: my dream is showing me that we are ALL self-born. We are born without umbilical chords because our divine ancestry is not physical in origin. Who we really are is independent of the cycle of incarnations we participate in. It is self-born and independent and there is an opportunity to be aware of this, now. We need not judge those who choose difficult experiences because we all learn and grow through our experiences (sometimes our difficulties help us to remove burdensome masks). They can make us aware of depths of wisdom and compassion formerly reserved for saints and angels – in fact they can put us in touch with our immortal reality as ‘every experience everywhere in the form of intention.’ That intention, simply put, is I AM, and it is one worth lovingly running towards . . .

Silhouette of Boy Running in Body of Water during Sunset

Authenticity

I am in the business of authenticity. What does that mean to me? Everything I create comes from this premise. It comes first. Why?

That is where the fun is! If I started to create my life from others’ or my own expectations, my creative well would run dry because the source of nourishment would be mind-made. It is hard to sustain mental creations since the mind only creates what it already knows.

What does that mean? Inspiration. Breathing and flowing with my life’s energy while allowing the mind to calm down and take a very comfortable seat on the over-stuffed sofa at the back of the room (haha) allows my composite self to come forward. What is that?

My composite self is who I am without any labels or designations. To be sure, it flows through my personality, yet it is grounded in the myriad aspects of ME that may or may not be obvious. For example, I appear as a westerner and have been schooled in the institutions of western music. I understand music theory and counterpoint norms as well as song-leading techniques. I’ve even been awarded Master of Music in the western tradition – which means I have jumped through many hoops to show that I have the ability to nourish and prolong the tradition of western music. And . . .

. . . western music is constantly changing! Without going into too much music history, the 20th and 21st century have found many innovative composers working within the paradigm of western music, yet stretching its bounds. We studied the work of John Cage, for example, where a piano piece, four minutes long, is without any musical notation. It is simply a concert pianist, sitting on stage with the music, holding silent space for four minutes, and it is iconoclastic. People clap and pay for . . . their expectations to be frustrated! (for a dramatic YouTube version in black and white go to youtube.com/watch?v=JTEFKFiXSx4 – valid as of 9/23/2020).

To be fair, not everyone wants their expectations to remain unmet. If so, they will resonate with and find that which is perfect for them in their authenticity. It is a win-win situation, since your vibration really speaks for you, doesn’t it? Yet that is another blog post altogether! Stay tuned . . . and in the meantime, here is to the artist of authenticity!

Woman Sitting on Motor Scooter

Volume I: Is God a Narcissist?

Recently I have been asked how is it I can say that I AM the love of my Life, with no qualifications, saying Doesn’t that make you Narcissistic?

It’s a fair question. Yet I feel that Narcissism has gotten a bad rap lately. People are so afraid of seeming narcissistic that they may go to the opposite extreme of parading their self-doubt. Yet isn’t that also a form of delusion?

From Wikipedia:

“Narcissus is the origin of the term narcissism, a fixation with oneself and one’s physical appearance or public perception.”

Of course everything is a spectrum and therefore finding a middle path is always appropriate – in moderation – as they say: you want to maintain your person as an act of physical hygiene, play nice with others so you get along in the social arena, and at the same time, have self-confidence. Where are you on these spectrum’s continuum? Do you worship youth and beauty so that you must go everywhere coiffed? Do you play the antagonist in your social group to a “T”? Do you pretend to be weaker or more unenlightened in order to fit in to the mindset around you? Do you berate or inflate yourself at the expense of your clarity?

What does God think of all of this? What would God say?

Godspeak * is my name for the vibration within you that feels like ‘home’. In the Goldilocks analogy, it would be baby bear’s chair: just right. You are neither pushing against or retreating from, That which you Are.

And what are you? In the last twenty years nutritionists would remind us that our bodies are 70 percent water (more or less). Now science, especially quantum science which deals with, well, quanta, demonstrates that we are made up of mostly space.

What in the heck?

So if God speaks and is a narcissist, what would He say? “You are my Creation, of which I Am well-pleased”. Or maybe “Well-done, my good and faithful servant”.

That’s right, He would express love and praise for His creation as well as congratulate Himself on a beautiful job, “well-done”.

The point is, there is no loser here – it is a Win-Win situation – and nobody’s porridge needs to be taken.

You can love and appreciate others as well as love and appreciate that you are loving and appreciating others! It is a glorious loop. Test it and see!

But, hey, isn’t it narcissistic to want to influence other people’s perception by writing this article? Do you see that every act you take is for your own gratification no matter what it looks like from the personality?

The answer is that being Selfish – or Self-ish – in a conscious, heartfelt way always benefits everyone involved. It can be no other way, for where one is taking care of one’s Godspeak, one’s vibration, one automatically influences perception. As you observe you create and your creations spark the daisy-chain for every other player in this stage called life.

And how do you do that? Care for your vibration? Well, that will be another volume on another day . . . so stay tuned! Your vibration will thank you . . .

Toddler Girl Smiling and Touching Toy

the Grace of Non-judgment

There is nothing

Like the Grace of non-judgment.

it instantly restores the mind

and the Heart can

flow along with the ride.

Then life, which is not a game afterall,

can feel like celebration, or,

can resonate with reverence

born of simplicity.

the unnecessary layers

which before seemed acutely gathered

can drift away, open to new breezes

for now,

this moment,

is anchored in the Heart.

 

And what are we

but this simple moment?

void of a fear that comes

of seeing only with the senses.

 

A vast probability is

that we hold non-judgement high

as a true statute

of Liberty.

The Anatomy lesson

This is a review of a book by the same title by Philip Roth.  It is a big-hearted book exploring a myriad of themes written in an almost stream of consciousness style.

Roth writes in the third person form of Nathan Zuckerman, a best-selling author who is practically incapacitated from chronic pain.  He has been enduring debilitating pain for 18 months when the book begins – with him literally lying on a children’s plastic playmat on the floor (the only position that somewhat relieves the ache).   All apparent avenues of healing having been explored:  the dozens of doctors, diagnoses and contraptions, the lovers and girlfriend-nurses, the why’s and where-to-for’s and doubts endured and discarded, along with a Doctor of Dolorology who offers him  the best looking “way out of pain”, yet it requires a surrender to a care and state Nathan refuses to submit to.  In ballsy independence he declares his pain not real to him and resolves to apply for medical school.  After cussing out his biggest literary critic (who is also sick at home) he arms himself with a volley of pain-killers and makes off by plane from Newark to Chicago, and to a meeting with his college roommate turned Doctor, Bobby.  He wills to convince his friend to go along with his determined fate.

He ends up riding around in his alma mater’s town inside of a limousine (his driver is female).  Along with checking out his old stomping grounds, he unleashes the force of his pent-up rage  by calling himself Milton Appel (his literary critic nemesis) and improvising a narrative of his life as a pornographer of the taboo- with heavy emphasis on his service to the common man and woman and a dollop of self-righteousness for having the courage to piss off and everyone who disapproves of him.  Is this persona his cure? he seems to inquire.

Add to this mix the reflections on his controversial fourth novel – a best-selling fiction that practically desecrates the values his parents and his parents parents appear to hold (the former only recently deceased, the latter, having had no where near the amount of opportunities of Nathan) -, the daily grind of the writer’s life – which appears more and more distasteful, though familiar,  and his three marriages lost to the lifestyle, all within a backdrop of Jewish heritage , with emphasis on, one would say, the universal themes of lineage, genes, expectations, sense of right and wrong, both pride and disgust of nationalistic movements near and far and the old way versus new ways of being in the world and we see:

He’s in pain.  He’s full of drugs.  Nathan has exhausted his resource.  His mother is dead, his brother is not speaking with him after the blasphemous best-seller, and his father’s last words to him were a curse.  He senses a new freedom on the horizon if he can  balance his desire to thrust forth in his new and euphoric rootlessness with his growing longing, yearning and even demand for a relationship with himself and connection with others outside of previously assigned roles.

Commentary:  There are so many moments of keen insite, phantastic compassion, dazzling humor and depth of connection in these pages of fiction that I find a lovely companion in all that it mirrors for me.  Having had bouts of chronic pain and knowing that the message they contain cannot be felt anywhere but within – and then living their truth as a route to freedom, this is the adventure story of being fully human.  Blasphemy is no longer blasphemous, the cross of christ can be alluded to as the flip side of the coin of living fully: to one’s own life an offering of endurance, understanding and essentially immortal orientation.  Then, and only then, to return to the work of the day.  For thus are we armed with the weightless realization of time within no-time.  As to Nathan, Roth has us leave him in while in a state of awe and wondrous renewal.  As a patient, now, still with a sick body yet visiting other sick bodies while making the rounds with doctors in a Chicago hospital.

 

On Writing

When I want to write, I slip into an awareness of my heartspace.  There my intention lives wordlessly:  I AM.  This intention fuels me in ways that are subtle and surprising.  I find myself making my way “in the world” with lightness of step.  It is my real life.

As soon as I light the fire inside – with the fuel of awareness, I feel a sense of flow.  I am okay with the unknown, because it is all me, and it is essentially benevolent.  I find that concepts of write and wrong (or right and “rong”), have no thing to hold onto; cannot take root.  So, rootless, they flow away.

What remains?  an upwelling.  It feels nurturing and expanding.  It asks for nothing.  It allows for everything, without judgement.

I’m going to take a moment to ask my heart what it might like to “say” or have “amplified”:

“This is meditation.  Looking within, feeling, taking the time to sort out what is real and what is not, letting the mind go, this is stillness.”

And this is the place from which I want to live my life.  From a place of inner poise and stillness.  This is why I write this morning, and why I publish.  To nourish this strain which sings from stillness and to amplify it.  It is my choice, it is my life, today and always.