What: a crime has been committed, the death of the spirit of a human being
When: while adjusting to earth
Where: at the sight of belief
There has been a crime committed. A body has been found living in the Earth Plane, Milky Way Galaxy, in a solar system on the outer ring of its spiral.
She is walking around with no idea of her true identity – vulnerable to the beliefs of the mass consciousness around her and oblivious to the gifts that she garners within her spirit’s life which includes but transcends time. She has allowed her amnesia to become complete, and is, as we speak, among the walking dead. Her mind is full of fear and self-loathing, and I want to know why. I AM the Eye Witness.
Eye Witness: played by the Author
Mind: played by the Author
Council of Elders: Intuitive guides who support Eye Witness, translated by Author
Heart, the realization of the Self of All – played by the Essence of the All, translated by the Author
The Eye Witness begins speaking:
What we have here is essentially a play in three acts. The first act is the beginning of the amnesia of a human, the second act is remembering, and the third act, is the improvisatory stage that is created in honor of the first act. It is to be lived in the time of no-time which cannot be described without considerable effort on our part, so we will leave that bit for later.
What comes to mind is to canvas the murder sight for clues. To this end we implore you to engage your imaginations and come with us to a world that has no physical bearings whatsoever. This world is not only dark and formless, it is empty. What differentiates it from the sort of vacuum or void that it could be imagined here is the fact of its utter stillness, and for lack of a better word, peace.
A peace that passes understanding is one with no opposite. No attachment whatsoever to any concept of a polar bearing, while including that concept. It just is, and that is what makes it the perfect site to plan a murder.
What, you ask? A murder of the perfection of a peace that is beyond understanding?
Yes, and it is beyond understanding, because it is beyond time, which is synonymous here, with Mind (M).
M. how do you know that?
I don’t know. I un-know.
M. what do you mean by that?
It reveals itself to me, not through the mind, but that which allows the mind to exist. It is felt in the gut and traces upwards through the sternum, warming the body as if lit within by a toasty fire on a cold, cold day.
M. revelation, then?
I’ll leave that for you to “understand”. More on that later. Back to our murder scene . . .
. . .Where was I? Oh, yes, utter stillness. Observing the unfathomable strength and subtlety of this state, which has its roots in indefatigable nothingness without bearing or origin, you are aware of your divine nature – whole, holy and blessed to be a part of that which is nothing or no-thing. It is the birthplace of contentment since it has no emphasis whatsoever. And this contentment is without end, endlessly varied, complete and full within itself. Just writing about it my Heart, or sacred core, responds in recognition. At the same “time” recognition is expressed, there is a caveat: no one who experiences this depth of benevolence and grace leaves untouched. Aware of the gift of life, free to partake of the immortal waters of gender-bending system-wide and constant whole-being bliss dialysis, the urge comes to each who knows “what they are” to contribute.
M. Ah, therein lies the rub. It’s the old tribal rule: contribute or die!
You are not dead, yet, for you have no need of belief. It is more like, contribute to your own unfoldment and share the gifts of sovereignty with the All, of which you are a microcosm.
In other words, contribute to the unfoldment of All, of which you are, or stay stagnant and atrophy. And we come to earth, the site of the murder, to learn about choosing. In the end, or outside of beginnings and endings, the now, we have chosen everything, because we enjoy the way the light refracts through us when we have become aware as a multifaceted bejeweled being. Diamonds ARE a gal’s best friend, when it means knowing what you are so completely you give over to it.
M: wait, you are saying we are choosing this experience to stretch ourselves so that we can become what we already are? Where is the fun in that?
Who said anything about fun? What it is not is fun. What it can be is an adventure with great seeming peril, which upon closer look is just files after files of fast moving still-shots, that you are shooting and participating in ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!!
M: fuck. And this is impossibly riveting. Like choosing your own adventure, except we have forgotten we have a choice!!
Precisely. Well said, mind. You have a real future, you know?
M: I do?
Nah, I was just kidding. You are totally D.O.A. (Dead on Arrival).
M: very funny. Are you saying that I am born with the body and therefore die with it?
We aren’t saying anything without our lawyer. Just kidding. It’s like you want to know where you originate, correct? But your origin is without origin since it has no beginning or end and is both existent, non-existent and beyond. How do you describe a parabola? It is a curve whose opposite is a straight line. With straight lines your geometry is limited. Just add curves and the sky’s the limit! You have circles and shapes without end and just ask any kid if they prefer playing with sticks or a ball.
But I digress.
Yes. Mind, you are limited in your manifest form, and limitation, since it has an opposite, cannot survive on the flat line of non-duality that is your unmanifested nature (which, by the way, feels really good – like that bliss or nirvana that those sages describe – a long constant psychasm).
M: so, I throw myself a curveball, in so many words, and now we are calling that a crime?
I’m not calling the curve ball a crime, I am simply an eye witness. You have called it a crime because of all your pissing and moaning at the outcome of your pitch!
M: Can we slow down a bit here?
You got it, Muchacho.
M: muchacho . . . really?
Just playing with you, Man.
M: okay, long as it isn’t The Man.
M. yes, I don’t want to get a bad rap here.
A bad reputation? For what? Your utter lack of skill combined with a clumsy trajectory in the face of the unknown?
M. I thought we were going to slow down?
Just playing with you, M, since you are so fun to play with.
M. good to know, I guess.
Yes: the murder scene. You are born into a body which you select after determining to leave the Utter stillness of your sacred and holy everlasting and joy-without-reason-presence (to practice choosing for a short-time, according to you may we remind you :). And the depth of your forgetting is palpable the moment you hit the room, aka pushed and pulled vigorously from the womb.
M. I just need to take a few moments here and breathe. Can we pause for a moment?
Take your time.
Several infinite moments later
M. I’m grieving.
Tell me all about it.
M. it just feels like too much. It’s all just too much. What is this? What is this place and why is it so bright and cold and …foreign?
What do you mean by foreign?
M. what comes to mind (no pun intended) is that everyone is taking me so seriously. I mean, I like the feeling of being fed, held and so forth, but why is everyone in my face so much? What do they want from me?
Oh, you mean your parents?
M. is that what you call those things?
Well, it depends. You see, there are parents, nurses and doctors, siblings, grandparents, cousins, neighbors, the family pet and whatever else is in your environment, in the dual, and polar, plane which is called earth.
M. yeah, well can they back up and give me some space? Can I just be for a while?
Oh, you want “To Be” for a while? Is that it? Is that why you bothered to make this trip, to take-on this adventure, to be?
M. what do you mean?
Let’s back up. Remember the moment you decided to come to the earth plane to experience your opposite so that you can know utterly and completely what you are?
Okay, we can start with that: you did. Now, are you going to begin complaining about your choice because it seems difficult at this moment?
M. yes and no.
You sound like an earthling already!
M. fuck you!
Yeah, I get that a lot. No worries, you have got to be blind, deaf, and dumb not to have some anger about the spot you appear to be in. And I stress “appear.”
M. okay, if I go forward with this, If I decide to not back out of this agreement I’ve made and I believe that I will know what kind of options I have here, what is in it for me?
You may not be able to see this for a while, Mind, and you’re going to have to go through some ugly shit, I’m not gonna lie. I will remind you that you knew that it could get rough here sometimes and that it ain’t always pretty – or a bed of roses, to say the least.
M. I just wish I could remember right from the go that I am making these choices, that I have choices.
Yeah, I get that. But that is not this time around. You need to feel yourself from the inside, and carve your life from that vantage point, even though you are coerced, ahem, to say the least, into living according to the dictates around you.
You have asked, if you will remember, to strengthen yourself in this way, with this cast of characters, at this apparent time and place so that you will know.
M. know what?
Know what you are and what you aren’t.
M. please, continue. Say more. I’m desperate.
It cannot be too deep beneath the surface of your memory, as this is not your first rodeo. But settle into yourself and feel. Where do you feel yourself, your identity, your being?
M. in the body? It emanates from the center. Around the heart.
Oh, I love that word! Emanation! That is fine. You know that you are a beat that keeps on beating, a pulse, a vibration, contraction and expansion. These can all be synonyms for emanation.
M. yes, I know.
How do you know again?
M. well, I feel it and it feels good, it feels familiar, it feels home.
What about when what you are emanating does not feel good?
M. what do you mean?
When you feel pain or fear or confusion.
M. that doesn’t feel like me.
Then what is it?
M. it is me looking for me.
Ah! Look carefully at your wording: “me looking for me”.
M. what is that?
It is a state.
It is a state of being – just as when you are emanating what feels good, familiar and home, as you “stated” earlier.
M. I said that?
Take a moment and look. Let’s review again, shall we?
M. okay. I feel like a little kid.
Well, we are just beginning this adventure, and you are watching with me from the beginning.
M. like going back in time in our mind?
More on that later, I promise. But let’s review our conversation from a few moments ago.
I asked you where you felt your being and you said from the inside, in the center, as a vibration. And that it felt good.
M. yes, it feels good.
Yes, it does. You are in coherency. You are aligned with the what of you and are riveted to that and nothing else.
When you emanate from a place of fear and chaos, you are also “you” – a vibration that you describe as “me looking for me” – which is the opposite of coherency. The opposite of coherency is called incoherency.
M. what is that?
Coherency is like the sin wave: all of the crests and troughs of a wave are equal in distance, and phase is constant. Like this photo that I found for free on the web:
Wavelength and amplitude are the same and are utilizing the same source of data and are in alignment.
M. are we going to math now? You know I was not so good at that.
We do not have to use a math example. It is not important. What is important is you recognize how it feels when you are in its state: calm, focused, happy, centered and so on. For example, if you think about that dog that you were petting yesterday – remember you began to enter a zone with the animal? Petting the dog was calming to you – touching the fur and seeing the dog respond to your interest and stimulation with a roll onto its back, exposing its belly. . .
M. oh yes, I love to be around animals. And that room was chaotic where we were picking up my child from a birthday party.
Yes. And now we are revealing that Eye Witness and Mind are one and the same.
M. are we getting ahead of ourselves?
What do you mean? Still believing in time? Ha! I know, that’s a joke. We will bounce around quite a bit here, “we” being the operative word, though it is all one.
M. when I am feeling coherent, as the diagram demonstrates, the wavelength and amplitude are equidistant within a given distance (is that called phase?)
Ah! Look who is revealing their education. Where did you study?
M. meta You – a metaphysical university course written by Dr. Toni Petrinovich.
Have you studied heart-math?
M. no, just read about it.
Hmmm. You have studied.
M. a lot of good it does me when I cannot remember that it is all me – incoherent, coherent, – every emanation that I have ever emanated is me! (queue music from Romantic Era).
It is frustrating to know things intellectually, but not be able to draw on that knowledge when the shit hits the fan.
M. yeah, and it is a mass of chaos out there!
Okay, slow down, what are you believing?
M. that picking up my daughter from a birthday party should not be so difficult!
What was difficult about that?
M: so many people emanating different things – wanting this or wanting that, seeing things one way, and casting you into their script – that’s what it feels like.
And where is your choice in all of this?
M. feeling my way through it all felt like walking a minefield: so many minds in so many different places with confusing or incoherent vibrations abounding.
So, the folks at the end of the party were emanating confusion? What were they consulting within? Was it a single source – that of knowing what they are and what is their choice of intention and focused vibration, or were the individuals consulting multiple sources within, all at the same time?
M. The children were content to keep playing while the hosts of the party appeared to be holding space for the transition of “party is over”. I’m imagining they wanted their home back from “party space” to the relatively calmer scene of “personal family space” and probably wanted to peel off the role of host like a pair of wet clothes on a cold day – if they are anything like me – kid parties can be tiring!
Good. So, the kids were in one headspace, heart space: contentment with the status quo, and the hosts were in another space: let’s transition this scene to one preferable.
You observing this found the wavelengths incompatible: One coherent and one incoherent.
You, being of practice wanted to stay in coherence, so you decided to just wait and see – hold space for the transition while waiting in your car – visible from the yard, listening to music while the vibes found a meeting ground for a peaceful transition.
M. yes, I guess that is what was happening.
Where is the minefield?
M. i felt that the parents were expecting me to do something. Pressure.
Ah, yes. And you were not consulting that part of you for them. So, you felt, what was it?
Yes, so when you focused on resistance, you felt resistance?
You stopped consulting your coherence, your patience in the face of pressure?
M. It felt hard to me, which is a sign of pushing or not allowing.
I don’t know what to say. It may feel hard at first to observe the different waves going on all at the same time. I have a question for you. Did you have a feeling the adults were acting more like children?
M. more like a judgement.
And did that affect how you waited, “patiently?”
M. you could say that.
So, you were being patient with the impatient adults while the children spent their time ignoring it all and playing?
Sounds like a lot was going on with you.
Why should adults behave more coherently than children?
M. damn, I blinded myself again! I forgot about compassion.
Compassion will always be there when you need it. Could it be that you needed this judgment, to remember that adults are just kids in big skins – who want to play but maybe who have forgotten and maybe who are unfocused and chaotic within their beliefs?
Yeah, people just being people. Welcome to mass consciousness also affectionately known as herd mentality.
That card is more useful than you’ve been trained to notice.
M. vulnerability is power, I’m told.
Well, congratulate the teller for me, because I think we are onto something!
M. hasn’t this been one big tangent?
What do you mean?
M. are we at the scene of the crime, birth into a body and into a set of coordinates that are represented by the beliefs of family, culture, neighborhood, economic status, religion and so on and so forth?
Aren’t we getting fancy with our “set of coordinates that are represented by . . .”.
M. thank you. I try.
Has it been a tangent? Yes and no. It Segway’s beautifully into the belief you have carried into this incarnation.
M. okay, I’ll let you go on, for now, but I’d like to discuss this reincarnation – more than one time at the rodeo – thing at some point, okay?
You got it. So, you are being born – from the warm and relatively safe womb into the hands of the doctor if you are at hospital. You are very aware of how it all feels to your body and yet are concurrently allowing yourself to adjust to the new atmosphere wherein you find yourself: air, bright lights, touch (prod, poke, wipe, swaddle and so on) and sucking food. You are moving your limbs and opening eyes to the air around you, breathing and taking it all in. It is exquisitely discomforting as well as somewhat curious and at times pleasurable. It is new, as you are. It occupies all that you are and then you fall asleep, for the first time with a full belly, in your mother’s arms. Your neurons are firing as you grow your ability to adjust to this environment. You are extremely busy.
M. what does this Segway to or from?
Remember the belief you have those “adults should be coherent”?
M. yes. They should.
This is where it all begins.
M. what do you mean?
You, as a baby child, are beginning to respond to your environment and as your parents respond to you, you are developing trust in this place you call the world and its ability to nurture you.
M. go on.
You are very vulnerable, and adults respond to that vulnerability – whether you are crying to be fed, whimpering from frustration, or screaming bloody murder in pain. The rub lies in how they respond. You need them to respond. Your life depends on it. You have this bond with your caregivers that is based on your vulnerability. You are powerful in a way.
M. and open to feeling powerless.
Yes, if you do not get your needs met, yes.
M. is this why there are SIDS babies?
One reason. There may be medical reasons or even pre-birth plans to have a certain set of experiences with a group of beings.
Most babies make it and have adequate caregivers. But the quality of the bond is one that can be weakened by neglect/overstimulation.
M. this is not rocket science.
Yes, and most babies are born into somewhat chaotic situations, no matter how well-meaning the parents.
M. word to parents who may be molded by religion, extended family, illness, sleep deprivation, as well as baby’s siblings, the family pet, the climate, culture, neighborhood . . .
How you are all able to manage is your vulnerability. You are open to the nurturing you receive and have no resistance. It mitigates the uncomfortable times.
M. then what happens?
As I think you may know, around the time you begin schooling, if you go to school, then comes belief. You are told you are not a “what”, not a consciousness with individual attributes and levels of understanding, but a who, and eventually, you believe it. Once you begin a pattern of belief – which is defined as trusting in something without the need for proof, you begin doubting the only thing that is relevant to you.
M. which is?
You tell me.
M. the only thing relative to me is my experience. It is the only thing that is mine.
Your experience is the point! You already contain the remembrance of what you are, and now Infinity is living through you as you for an experience, and it is, from this perspective, absolutely divine. You already are everything, so there is nothing that needs to be given to you from outside. And yet . . .
M. and yet now I am “so and so’s child” who lives at a postal address that is called my “home”, and I have certain attributes, good and bad, habits and attitudes, and observe a religion or code, express in norms in culture and language . . .
And belief about these attributes replaces how you are naturally – the You of you – a Sovereign Being infinitely connected. You are not separate. You are not even an “I” since that connotes separation. Your mind begins to release its curiosity in favor of the beliefs that appear to result in security and familiarity. You are taught to survive, not thrive, and then you begin to use the power of belief to mold yourself.
M. I remember when my oldest child was a toddler and naturally referred to everyone and everything as “Lizzie” or as being her possession: Lizzie’s. She had to be taught separation.
Yes. The belief mold gets “fired” into something solid, or rigid and your apparent edges become fixed. You begin to live through expectation of how life “should” be instead of curiosity and presence.
M. while living this way, I may be in tune with the mores of the people around me . . .
. . .Yet it is a trade-off, for you may lose harmony with yourself, and by “may” I mean 90 percent of the time – an uncomfortable situation to say the least.
M. feels like a catch 22: I want to be true to myself, I do. I want to maintain my own authenticity and expansive curiosity – in my own eyes. Yet the folks around me are asking me to please “don’t”. They sure seem powerful – and they can feed me, too!
Yes. This is the portion of your life where you develop your amnesia. It is part of the game, to be blunt, and now it is time to remember. When you no longer live with your family or even if you still live with them, it is not important for your survival how your parents should respond to you and when, how they mirror you or don’t mirror you, how they are in relation to their own vulnerability to life and so on.
M. it is okay to thrive.
Cast off the cloak of otherness and own your responsibility to YOU!
M. freedom please, now! There is no beginning or ending, only NOW!
You are a frontrunner in this. That is why you have utilized a teacher. And now you are beginning to take over that role for yourself.
M. I can be vulnerable to the joy, love, insight and nurturance in life, that feeds and nourishes me. I can stay balanced, because moments come and go, and the nurturance is always just around the corner from a feeling of lack, within a sense of personal empowerment.
Your personal empowerment is your map of creation.
M. can you say more about that?
Whenever you begin to feel discomfort, or fear, you stop.
M. like stop drop and roll?
M. we are taught that when there is fire on the body – which in this analogy is a form of fear – we first stop. Running feeds oxygen to the flames.
Apt analogy! Go on.
M. so then we drop – close to the ground wherein we can extinguish the flame by depriving it of oxygen.
Okay, I’m following.
M. the flame appears big and scary, but when we roll over it, it becomes extinguished between our body and the ground. There is nothing to feed it there, and it goes out.
If I may?
M. please, do!
So, you stop in order to recognize that there is fear. It feels scary and “real”, like a fire on the body, but running from it feeds its reality. Stopping gives you a moment to realize your situation.
M. the “fire” attached to your body (and 99.9 percent of the time based on belief) doesn’t know how to put itself out.
As an analogy for fear, I can’t think of anything more useful.
Where do you drop to, in this analogy?
M. my heart, my gut.
The place deep within where you are free to trust since you are authentic.
M. yes, no masks to deal with, here.
How do you develop the courage to “roll with it” in this analogy?
M. it feels like you are asking me “where do I develop the courage to breathe” . . .
Okay . . .
M. when I don’t breathe, or roll with it, then I get burned. It hurts.
And you don’t like to suffer?
M. i am losing my taste for it, fast.
M. losing my religion.
Not all religion promotes suffering.
M. oh really? Do you know what planet we are on?
The belief in the “value of suffering” . . . which produces so much resistance to any suffering that may want to dissipate, as all feelings do – even the ones we want to hold on to!
M. the topic could fill volumes.
This is not your average conversation.
M. good. I’m tired of being “your average bear”.
M. I’d like to use my divine strength to mold different experiences.
How do you do that?
M. I don’t know. And then I breathe into it with an energy of connection, of desire, of love and gratitude, abundance and compassion.
So, you admit it when you don’t know, that there is nothing to figure out, and then you relax into it, trust and offer up energy?
M. yes, and if fear comes up, I change my focus. I allow a picture, an emotion come into my mind that brings me strength and comfort and then I link it to the Heart which magnifies my intention to flow with a feeling of allowance.
And then you focus on the breath?
M. it is the closest thing in this apparent world to What I AM. Especially between the breath.
M. yes. And when I don’t need analogies anymore, I can be easy about it.
When will that be?
M. it is now if I let it. It is a decision and commitment
Are you ready?
M. I AM.
What if you stumble?
M. I most surely will. Yet I have something that helps me get back on the horse. I have community of folks, who are also practicing this reorganization in their silent, alone time.
You will value “no pain no gain” again?
M. yes, until I know that I am a Master of Mind, and not its servant, connected to my electromagnetic Heart and connecting with my environment and community.
What is Master of Mind?
M. not needing to follow its dictates or even preferences.
The tail wagging the dog.
M. yes, not needing the Mind to wag me. Master.
Sounds like you know what you are talking about . . .
M. again, until I don’t.
Then you return to your beginners play book?
M. “I don’t know”, and I don’t NEED to know, and breathe into my Heart. Let my mind come to rest and offer perspective, comfort, truth, honesty, and Not “Minding”.
M. listen: I sit in my chair and ask myself: “what is this about?” if it is pain then I let the discomfort speak to me. I trace it back to its origins in belief. I decide if I still want to believe it whole-cloth, part, or none at all. I ask, What are you here to teach me about myself? What do I need to change? What do I need to hold on to and what do I need to let go of, now?
What does it say?
M. it depends, but there are some themes.
Oh please, do tell!
M. are you desperate?
M. it is not hard to discern fear of change – the unknown – or even the fear of the fear of change – let’s face it – the only constant being change!
You are really a piece of work, Mind!
M. i try. (chuckle)
Can you give me an example?
M. example: my ego is demanding to be entertained. The belief it is necessary to be interacting with people all the time – or to be left alone all the time – some sort of “definition” or label or extreme way of interpreting life. I allow the discomfort of this belief to unravel by not playing into it. Not going towards or away yet observing with presence. I watch and see what is behind the belief. Sitting still is the name of the game!
Children can be stubborn. oh, I mean egos. (smile).
M. you mean business. After you offer direction in the form of limits, you can thank yourself for being there as a model and mirror and then open-up to the spirit of creativity. It IS like parenting a child ~ one that is stubborn and sure of themselves ~ when you do this work. The payout is real.
Yes, that is how you learn the power of choice and the will to enact it with grace.
M. indeed it is. There are choices that result in harmony within unity – or that result in uncomfortable consequences (the “burn”) and then you can gage which actions are appropriate. Question: My children, they are learning boundaries from me – and aren’t those also limitations?
There are boundaries that are helpful for organized living and basic respect. Boundaries that allow for developing different abilities and strengths and boundaries for hygiene of the mind. Those are not the ones we are looking at.
We are looking at how seriously we are taking it all.
Yes, the sense of there being “a right way to do things”.
M. never heard of the concept!
Yes, you want to offer discipline to your children and yet give them creative sway over their own story. It is their life, after all, and your best bet for training them is observing their sovereignty and all their stellar attributes, foregoing unhelpful criticism. Give them a model of a human being who lives in remembrance, who lives in joy. They learn from you how to remain a What and not succumb to a who.
M. and the What is what?
Yes. It is essentially unknowable because it is always present in the NOW – always expanding into its capacities and releasing former versions: basically, a constant molt.
M. that is more profound than I care to realize.
Breath. Again, your breathing shows you this – you are constantly bringing in energy and oxygen and releasing what has been utilized through your inhale and exhale. Your physical body is constantly changing, why wouldn’t all your realities also be affected?
M. What is my anchor, then?
It is your intention.
M. what is intention?
M. There is MORE THAN ONE?
Let’s breathe for a bit here. Empty out. Empty out the concept that you are a one-dimensional being. You are a many-dimensioned being and a “house with many rooms”. See? You are typing and accessing your mind to write, your heart to feel into the message, your muscle memory for the fingers on the keyboard, your hearing of the cicadas outdoors, the smell of the rice cooking in the kitchen, the feel of the carpet under your bare-feet – your awareness of the field from which emerges your consciousness. . .
M. All of that is going on at once.
That and much more.
M. say more.
So, you are intending this book to be written, that is one intention, and yet your overall intention in this incarnation is to remember and live What you Are.
Thank you so much for reading.
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Kathryn Hart Teixeira