It is my 47th birthday tomorrow, and many people will wish me happy birthday. There is an icecream cake in the freezer that my daughter helped my husband pick out, and a bright, flashy candle waiting to adorn it. What will I wish when it is time to “blow out the candles?”
What do you wish for when you intuit you already have everything, are everything?
When I began requesting of myself my own wisdom in my 20’s, the prayer was sincere and deep. In my thirties, the prayer was for peace. I made peace my goal. Becoming enamored with this goal led me to so many experiences through which to realize this peace. Having and holding a family, expressing creativity, taking classes that underscored my true nature being a few. Lots of obstacles and lots of stumbling and lots of rising. Lots and lots of rising.
My forties have ushered in the fear of mortality and the generation of immortality projects such as writing and singing, making a business out of my personality’s inclinations. Rich territory, and lots of growth.
This beautiful turn around the sun has me reflecting that Life, as it is, is enough. As a playwright, I watch the scenes unfold, allowing all of what I have learned about the creation of perception to guide. It is such a rich and full place to be. It is enough. It is more than enough. Will I ever feel differently?
I don’t know, and that is part of the adventure. How will I navigate this next year? What is my compass and north star? I feel that my being is its own compass, its own north star, since it is not a time-bound experience of life. Releasing the beliefs in shame and inadequacy have gone a long way in allowing the simple profundity of life – the depth and richness of moments’ awareness to be experienced. Birthing life? Maybe.
I watch others birth their lives. Each a different story, different guiding principles, a different emotional palette. Their way of birthing is no more right or wrong than mine. I can learn from all of them. From all of you. My birthday prayer is not to bless the world at this moment or to offer it well-wishes, although I do, always. My birthday prayer is to respect and enjoy it as it is. To respect and enjoy you as you are, with no need to change you, to have you believe or think as I do, and to see the colorful way your life displays as a temporary kaleidoscope of exotic, or mute, or even drab colors. What do I know of this? That choice is involved at some level, and that is enough for me. My ability to choose is a gift of the ages, as I’ve come to see it at this moment. And the arena, even as I sit here and type, is thrillingly infinite, such that I will never be bored, and am often amused.
Happy Birthday of the awareness of 1)awareness and 2)choice.
May we all be blessed by the birth of these awesome attributes in our hearts and minds.
The One called Kathryn, who sings, among other things.