I’ve released myself from attachment to the idea of”The Tribe”, as I’m calling it. I am happy letting people be people and taking only that which I want.
This has not always been the case. I clung to the popular crowd of kids in Junior high and early highschool. I envied those in my elementary classes who had social charm – who seemed to be at the top of the heap – at ease with their body and with esteem from other kids. I associated their behavior with feeling loved and worthy, and it may have been so for some of these kids. I learned that, for me, running with the popular crowd when I was an early teen had their consequences. I did not feel at home in my skin. I crafted my words to entertain and impress those around me. My clothing and way of speaking and holding myself were devoted to ensuring some sort of position that seemed to guarantee status, company and admiration.
When the price of status seemed too high, I switched company from popular kids to kids who loved me. I was still seeking validation and admiration, though. I wanted to bring honor to myself and my tribe. My family. I sensed that my family needed contrast to the anger and hurt that seemed to be festering beneath the masks of my parents marriage. I would be a bright spot for them, child-mind reasoned, by becoming so good that they will love me and want to be together and be happy. Magical thinking goes both ways, thankfully.
As powerless as I am to use magical thinking to change others am I empowered to use spiritually and emotionally healthy thinking to create change in myself. Since I am the microcosm, every thing that I perceive becomes framed by this magical thinking.
Now, my yearning to see the beauty in every person I come across and to feel the beauty I see creates magical changes in my life. In fact, I’m getting along better with all sorts of people who I used to find difficult. Who are my “peeps?” Who aren’t?